We Were Not Made to Walk This Road Alone!

Chapter 2 in Hoodwinked: 10 Myths of Motherhood has the very first myth that they debunk.  The myth that mothering is natural, easy and instinctive.  And some days it is.  Those other days, well...  The quote that starts this chapter says "Mother is a verb, not a noun."


We are always in action.  I was laying in bed the other morning, thinking that I finally know why I don't want to get out of bed in the morning.  As long as I lay in my little haven, I can pretend that I don't have a to-do list that uses an entire forest of paper.  That the laundry isn't piling up, because I can't see it.  I don't have to think about food, because the kitchen is at the other end of the house.  But the minute my feet hit the floor...  Then it starts.  My day begins.  And it doesn't stop until I get back into that little haven.  And I have many beautiful moments mixed in with the to-do's. 

But juggling as those balls isn't instinctive.  Knowing the right words to soothe your little one's ouchies while not burning dinner is a skill I did not learn in home ec class. 

In this chapter, Ruth talks about how she had her dream of motherhood all planned out.  Except reality seemed to be the exact opposite.  And how "we don't come out of the womb hardwired with wisdom and experience.  We come into the world as foreigners who have to figure things out as we grow up."

Life isn't always natural, easy or instinctive.  Motherhood is part of life.  Yep, lightbulb moment right there.  Why should I have to feel each and every day that I am failing at something that is supposed to come so easily?  It shouldn't come so easy.  Anything that is worth it requires time, practice, sacrifice and effort.  My kids are worth the world to me.  Common sense would then dictate that it would require a lot of time, practice, sacrifice and effort.  And lots of prayer!

Ladies, if you have fallen prey to the myth that to be a good mom, you should be perfect at it right out of the gate, please stop.  We are not perfect.  You already know that there are no perfect people.  So why do we beat ourselves up trying to attain a goal that is never going to be realistic?

If you'd like to read more of my posts on this book, you can search in my search bar, or do what I did, and just buy your own copy!  :)

Heavenly Father, I lift up all of those parents who are exhausted.  Who are bone weary of trying to do it all.  Let them come to you, and be restored.  Refresh their perspective on your expectations and fill their hearts to overflowing with your love Lord.  In your mighty name.  Amen.

If any of you have a prayer request or would like to share, please feel free to leave a comment, I would love to be one of God's soldiers for you!

Perspective

Perspective.  Getting to choose how you look at your current situation.

It's been one of those days. Weeks.  Months.  Where very time I turn around it feels as though something else in my life is falling apart.  Or do I just need to change my perspective?

There are always going to be those days. Or seasons.  Or years maybe.  And we are going to get through. And some will have us believe that a part of us will miss them one day.  I'm not there yet.  But as I get ready to pour my exhausted self into bed tonight, it occurs to me.

People are praying for what I'm complaining about. My husband has so much work that it feels as though he is always gone. But at least he has work. There are people out there praying for a job.  For food.  For shelter.  And I am taking that for granted.

My children are testing boundaries something fierce right now (and my sanity, but who needs that?!?).  But they are healthy. I am not praying for a miracle of healing.  I'm not spending time with doctors hoping to get answers. My children are healthy enough to test their boundaries all day long. And that's a privilege, even when it doesn't feel like it.  I have one baby in heaven already.  But I get the chance every single day to hold these ones in my arms and tell them I love them every single day.

So tonight, I am choosing to change my perspective. I am choosing to be grateful for all of my blessings. And tomorrow, while I am scrubbing coconut oil off the walls, I will choose to be grateful for my healthy, active kids. And I just may decide to make sure they are a little more occupied next time.  ;)

My cup runneth over, just like my grandma used to say!

God is a God of love.  And grace. And I believe, with a pretty good sense of humour. And He has given you everything you have for a reason. And it is all meant for good.  All that He asks of us is to be willing to trust His plan, and to trust in Him.  So whatever it is you are facing right now, know that He is with you. And He loves you.

If you would like prayer, I would love the opportunity to pray for you.   Leave a request in the comments, and I will be praying.

There Is Beauty in Your Story

I had the privilege of hearing the testimony of a friend recently.  She phoned me the night before she was coming to our ladies group, and told me she had never really told her story in front of a group before. She had actually only told parts of her story to people who needed to know that they were not alone.  Even her family doesn't know everything. I told her that we only needed to hear what she was comfortable with. And I explained that we have had other women share marriage advice, crafting passions, parenting tips, and baking recipes.

We are there to enjoy getting to know the, better in whatever way we can. And that we will love her no matter what she decides to share with us.

We should feel honoured when these women choose to trust us with the details of their life. These are the very things that have shaped them into who they are today. And not all of the shaping has been easy, or is something they really want to re-live.  There's bravery in their willingness to bare their souls to us. And we need to respect and realize that.

We are there to enjoy getting to know the, better in whatever way we can. And she needs to know that we will love her no matter what she decides to share with us.

Now, I won't go into details, as it is her story to tell, not mine.  But I will say that it was heartbreaking, beautiful, and inspiring all in less than 1 hour.  This woman told us how she has walked a long, difficult road, but she has felt His presence each and every step of the way.  And she knows that she has only made it through because of His strength, not hers.  She offered no explanation of why she had to walk this path, but was grateful that she always knew she was not alone, and that she was loved, no matter what.  There is no shame in her story, only faithfulness and perseverance.

Ladies, I want you to consider two things.

1) That you never know the story behind the woman in front of you in line at the grocery store, or the woman ringing in your groceries.  Her story is unique, and beautiful in its own way.  And no matter what it may seem like, she is doing her absolute best to get through each and every day.  She needs understanding and acceptance.

And 2) Your story matters. You are never alone in whatever you are going through. He is using you in ways you can't even imagine. And in sharing a part of your journey, you are an inspiring example of his love.

I see so much judgment every day.  And I'm just as guilty of doing it too.  But unless you've walked their path, right beside them each step of the way, then you can't offer ways to have done it better. Because it isn't your story. Just like they can't tell you what you should have done. But maybe we can help make the journey a little better by offering grace. Understanding.  Love.  And maybe one story at a time, we can make our world a little bit better. One step at a time.

If you have any prayer requests, I would be honoured to lift you up!

Blessing.

In God We Trust

My amazing, kind hearted, beautiful little dude is heartbroken. And I am too. He's almost 4 years old now, and he has lost his Grandma. We lost her to cancer just over 4 months ago. And he is still trying to process all of this.

He actually asked his other Grandpa today if he already knew that God took his Grandma to heaven. Bless his poor little heart. He feels so much!  And so deeply!  And it is so amazingly difficult to walk this path with him. Especially when I have the same questions as he does.  I don't know why her journey ended when it did. I don't know how God decides who to take or not to take.

He finally really cried for her last night. And told me he is angry with God that he took her. And that he thinks it's not fair that God can just take people. I'm assuming he's also a little scared that he might lose someone else, and that he has no control over that. And I get that. I'm angry. I don't think it's fair that she had to suffer. And I don't know who I will lose next, or when. So while I can certainly sympathize with him, I cannot provide any answers.

I can assure him that I will love him every single day of my life.  I can pray with him.  I can share memories of Grandma with him and remind him how deeply she loved him.

But the best thing I can do?  I can pray FOR him.  I can trust that God will fill in all the gaps in his understanding. I can trust that He will give us both peace when we so desperately need it.

I can share how I know that even though this hurts, we will see her again. And all the other people we have lost in this last little while.

I can share how I know that somehow, some way, we will learn how this is part of a bigger picture.  A beautiful picture. And that this plan is so much better than we could ever even imagine.

And I can remember in those tough, angry, sad and agonizing moments that he is hurting because he loves so much. And feels so much. So I need to ask more questions, kiss. Ore cheeks and hug must a little bit longer. And who doesn't love long hugs?

Like a Brick

You know, some days are just nice, quiet, normal days.  Those days that nothing really stands out. Then all of a sudden it hits you. Like a brick. An entire month has just disappeared. I survived it. But did I cherish it?  Was I intentional with my minutes?  Because while every once in a while, you remember days, when you look back in time, it comes down to minutes that you treasure. Minutes that you spent with the special people God has gifted you with.

I am part of the launch team for "Hoodwinked" by Karen Ehman and Ruth Schwenk. In it, Ruth points out that while it may seem like you have all the time in the world, you really don't. And she does the math!  Suppose my children stay home until the summer they turn 18. That means that I have just under 13 years of my oldest being at home with me.  So 13 years x 365 days/year = 4,745 days. I am already sentimental at the graduation pics I see each year, thinking that before I know it, that will be here.  She will be an incredible woman, ready to conquer the world, and my chance to breathe that love into her each day will already be over.  Almost the entire month of October has flown by, with very few "moments" that seem like they will become those special moments.  Do I really want to squander those I have left?  I have less than 4,700 days left to build up, lead and encourage my daughter.  I need to be intentional with that time!

So ladies, while it is important to lead our children, to teach them, to make sure their homework is done, it is even more important to impress on them the unshakable love they have in us.  The unflappable love of the Lord, who even goes so far as to say that NOTHING we do can ever lessen the love he has for us.  We are loved more than we can ever fathom, and more than anything, I think our children need to know that. They don't need to know they are the best at sports, or music.  Or that they are a genius. They need to know they are loved. That they are always going to be loved.   That they will never have to earn love.  They simply are loved.

You may have 4,745 days left. You may have more. You may have less.  Let's use whatever days we have been gifted to the absolute best of our abilities.

You are loved!#nomorehoodwinkedmoms, #hoodwinkedbook, love, unconditional, count your days

All That Matters

I lost my mother-in-law to cancer last week. It was an awful, emotional, exhausting and eye opening experience. And it brought to my attention so many things.

I realized how many people one life can affect. How many lives can be changed just by one persons kindness. How one prayer warrior can make such a difference. How having a heart like Jesus can leave such a lasting impression. And all of these qualities belong to one woman who will leave a hole in our lives for years to come.

In four short, but oh so long, days, I witnessed countless people stop their lives to say goodbye to this woman. I think I saw more people traipse in and out of her hospice room than I even know. And that is such a testament to who she was.   And it makes you wonder what your legacy will be.

It also leaves us something to live up to.

 I saw my husbands family, and all our friends pull together. We had childcare provided for us so that we could devote our time to just BEING there. We had meals prepared by friends who just wanted to love on us. We contacted family that for their own personal reasons, had previously been cut off. And they dropped everything and rushed out.

We shared stories that some of us had never heard before. We learned that it really is possible to laugh until you pee. And imagined that there really is no better reason to wet yourself than whatever fun she was having to actually do that!

We made new memories. We had moments, good and bad, that will forever be etched on our hearts. We bridged gaps in our relationships. We held each other up when the strength just wasn't there.

We prayed together. Oh, did we pray together. We prayed for strength. We prayed for peace. We prayed for her suffering to end, and for Jesus to come and take her home. We prayed for each other. We prayed for our children. We prayed that those we love who don't know Jesus would feel His presence.

We realized that if whatever grudge you are holding can be forgiven at the last moment, then why not forgive earlier?  We realized that praying for people really does make a difference.  We realized that no matter how small a role you may have played in someone's life, the impact can last a lifetime.

And we learned that in the end, love is all that matters. 

Gratitude

It has been a long week. It seems more like forever than just one week. I am sitting in bed with my husband so grateful that I have been blessed with him.  You see, my mother-in-law is in the hospital with terminal cancer. My father-in-law was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery. He had a perforated bowel.  And the clarity that such events will bring to your life is astounding.

I know that while it is easy to fall into routine, getting so busy with our lives that we forget to stop and smell the roses. Or really listen to what our kids are saying to us and laugh at their antics.  Or give your spouse a kiss worth rushing home to.  Or telling your loved ones that you love them.  Things we take for granted. Things we always assume we can take time for tomorrow, or next week, or month or year.  But if this last week has taught me anything, it's to stop taking that time for granted.

I have so many thoughts running through my mind that there is no way that I can make sense of them, much less be able to write them down. But they all boil down to one thing:  tomorrow is not promised.  Those dishes will be there later. So take the next 5 minutes to really connect with someone in your life.  Let them know how much they mean to you. Tell them how much you love them right now.  Don't wait for their eulogy. They deserve to hear those words for themselves!

What if you woke up tomorrow with only the people you thanked God for today?

Faith in the Valleys

It's been a busy few weeks in our house.

My son discovered that 20lbs of flour is really fun to spread around. On the floors...on clean clothes...in the dryer freshly emptied of those clean clothes. He also discovered that he has to take out many, many bags of garbage at 25 cents each to earn enough money to replace that flour!

He learned that rocks will fit in his nose, but that doesn't make it a good place to put them.

And last night, they discovered that we are all human. All of us.  We all have bad days, we all love someone, and we all get scared sometimes.

You see, their Grandma was diagnosed with cancer after finding a lump in her breast last year.  After much research and prayer, they really felt that God was placing it on their hearts to try a naturopath rather than surgery and radiation.  And for this last year, she has changed her eating habits, lost weight, and we thought, kept the cancer at bay.  With regular checkups, the naturopath said she was doing great.

And this is the part where I remind everyone reading this that it wasn't your decision.  You weren't the one to have those conversations with God. So keep your opinions to yourself as we are a hurting bunch here right now.

She was admitted to the hospital and it turns out, the naturopath was wrong.  Her chest cavity is now home to a much larger tumor. So large in fact that they are looking at making her comfortable for the time she has left on this earth.  And so last night, they prayed for their grandparents.  And they loved on their grandpa in the only way their little hearts could. They hugged him. They told him they loved him.  And they believed us when we told them the doctors were working to make grandma better. Because at 5 and 3.5, what else can you say?

This is the same woman that I credit with really introducing me to God.  She has been a prayer warrior for almost every person I know.  She never judges or makes you feel bad about your journey so far, no matter what has happened.  And she will willingly lay her heart on the line to help anyone.

And she has faith that can move mountains. I had actually bought a wooden word of "faith" written script style.  Except when I got it home, it was broke. Into four pieces.  I thought it was beyond repair, and was ready to throw it out.  Until God laid it on my heart to glue it back together. It didn't have to be perfect, it just had to hold.  And so I did. Then I made it into a sign for her and told her that even though her body may be broken, her faith was still strong. This was a couple weeks ago. Before we knew how broken her body really was.

I know I have rambled.  And I don't know who needed to hear this today, but the moral of this story is that even in the valley, God has not changed.  He hasn't abandoned us.  He hasn't given up on us.  And he hasn't altered in his desire for great things for us.   He is still faithful, walking right beside us.  He is the same whether we are struggling in the valley, or standing in awe of all he's done at the top of a mountain. And he loves us so much more than we can ever imagine.

I don't know where my mother in law's journey will end. I know we have a long fight ahead of us.    I know that if she wins this battle, my children will get the chance to make more memories with this amazing example of gods love and faithfulness .  And if this battle is not to be won, then she will be up on heaven reuniting with those who have gone before her, and having no more pain in her body anymore.  And I know that no matter what, she leaves this earth a better place for every day she has here with us.

John 14:1-4
14 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4 You know the way to the place where I am going.”

You Reap What You Sow

I totally stole that title!!!  There is a story on Facebook going on about a lady that stops to help a homeless man.  She and a police officer take him into a diner to get him a meal.  Even as the man refused, not wanting to be kicked out of the restaurant, and the owner of the restaurant says to her that having "people like that" in there is bad for business, she doesn't become discouraged.  You see, this homeless man that so many people walk by each and every day had once done something amazing for her.  When she was homeless, cold and hungry, he bought her a meal.  The story ends with, "God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favour.  Give him all the glory and pay it forward (and sometimes backwards!)"

I reposted this on Facebook, and many of my friends and family did the same.  You see, this means a lot to me because my family is not Christian.  My parents and my brother all struggle with the concepts and "restrictions" of the Bible.  And maybe I'm being naive.  But maybe, just maybe, reading stories like these will one day lead them to Jesus.  And even more, I know that my actions are going to be the very best example of what a Christian should be.  I'm not saying I'm perfect, please don't misunderstand me.  When I told my brother I was going to church again, his response was that he would still talk to me as long as I didn't preach to him all that church b.s.  So rather than preach, I talk about the good our church does, and other Christian organizations I am involved with.  I do other volunteer work to show love to others just because I can.  And I live (to the best of my ability), the life that I want them to see in Christ, so that they too would want it.  And I pray for them to see that the "restrictions" they are so scared of are born of religion, not God.   I have heard many times that the biggest stigmatism to Christianity is Christians themselves.  I was hesitant to go to Church because of the examples I had seen in my own life of people who thought that as long as they went to church, they were automatically above everyone else.  Those aren't the people Jesus came for.  He came for the lepers, the lame, the tax collectors, the prostitutes.  And not only did he come for them, he used them to do great things in his name.  Sounds like someone I want to live up to.

I started a pay it forward project just after Christmas this year.  So far, I have sent out gifts of recognition to over 100 people, hoping to reach 100 more.  And a good friend of mine was inspired to start her own project.  I'm not writing this hoping for recognition, but to relay to you that before I allowed Jesus into my heart, reaching out in love to 100 people would NOT have been something I would have even thought of.  And I have heard feedback that those little gifts were the answers to some of those people's prayers. 

Heavenly Father, tonight I pray that all of those who want to know you better will simply reach out to you, and read your word for themselves.  Help them to open their hearts to you, and close their ears to all of those saying that they don't deserve you, or that they aren't good enough, or whatever lies they are being told.  Help them to feel your grace and unconditional love.  Let them know that you alone are perfect, and that they don't have to be perfect.  They just have to ask for you.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.