Sunday, 25 October 2015

In God We Trust

My amazing, kind hearted, beautiful little dude is heartbroken. And I am too. He's almost 4 years old now, and he has lost his Grandma. We lost her to cancer just over 4 months ago. And he is still trying to process all of this.

He actually asked his other Grandpa today if he already knew that God took his Grandma to heaven. Bless his poor little heart. He feels so much!  And so deeply!  And it is so amazingly difficult to walk this path with him. Especially when I have the same questions as he does.  I don't know why her journey ended when it did. I don't know how God decides who to take or not to take.

He finally really cried for her last night. And told me he is angry with God that he took her. And that he thinks it's not fair that God can just take people. I'm assuming he's also a little scared that he might lose someone else, and that he has no control over that. And I get that. I'm angry. I don't think it's fair that she had to suffer. And I don't know who I will lose next, or when. So while I can certainly sympathize with him, I cannot provide any answers.

I can assure him that I will love him every single day of my life.  I can pray with him.  I can share memories of Grandma with him and remind him how deeply she loved him.

But the best thing I can do?  I can pray FOR him.  I can trust that God will fill in all the gaps in his understanding. I can trust that He will give us both peace when we so desperately need it.

I can share how I know that even though this hurts, we will see her again. And all the other people we have lost in this last little while.

I can share how I know that somehow, some way, we will learn how this is part of a bigger picture.  A beautiful picture. And that this plan is so much better than we could ever even imagine.

And I can remember in those tough, angry, sad and agonizing moments that he is hurting because he loves so much. And feels so much. So I need to ask more questions, kiss. Ore cheeks and hug must a little bit longer. And who doesn't love long hugs?