We are in the midst of testing right now for Sweetie. She has been confirmed for the gifted program, which we already suspected. And now they are digging a little deeper to see how she can best be supported as we continue along our homeschooling journey.
And it's scary. Things like "high functioning autism" and "let's see where she is on the spectrum" pop up in the conversation and this Mommy heart skips a beat or two.
We've always known that she's been ahead of the curve and that she was overstocked on the gift of gab. What we didn't know was that we would run into roadblocks along the way of her growing into herself that we just wouldn't know how to handle.
I know that parenting can sometimes feel like a flying by the seat of your pants experience some days. Or a lot of days depending on what season you're in.
I was not prepared for my heart to ache for her when she tries to make new friends and they just don't get her.
She's not like the other kids her age. She tries so hard to be brave, managing her anxiety as best as she can. I think the only reason I see it so clearly is because I know what to watch for. And she still steps out with a smile and a laugh, trying again and again to engage others around her.
I don't know what these tests are going to show. I don't even know what I'm hoping they'll show.
What I do know? I prayed for this little girl.
And God chose me to get to be her Mom.
That we were all made gloriously different. We are uniquely designed by an awesome Creator. The way we are is not a mistake, but a gift.
There is a purpose behind each of our quirks. She is funny, brilliant, loyal, loving, brave, wonderful and so many other things.
I know that any diagnosis is not HER, but a stepping stone for us to help her be the best her she can be, by better equipping us. It's a simple label of how she processes things, not who she is.
We talked today that she has always had this confidence that God made her the way she is. She actually said that exact phrase when she was 2 years old. This afternoon we discussed that He made her gifted with some abilities and challenged by others. And we all have areas that come easy to us, and others that we have to work a little harder at. It's what makes us unique and human. We are all a work in progress.
I love that I can instil a confidence in my little girl that God knew we needed someone just like her, and that He has great plans to make this world a little bit better because of her. Just the way she is.
So I can choose to look at everyday situations with her and see the struggles, or I can be her biggest cheerleader, knowing that when she finds her tribe, she will be the most loyal, funny, amazing friend they could ever imagine.
And until then? Well, I suppose I'll just have more time to invest in our own memories!
Father, I thank you for trusting me with this amazing gift. I pray that you would equip me anew each day for whatever is coming our way. Help me to I still a confidence in all of my children that they are perfect just the way they are because that's how You designed them. I ask that you fill in the gaps that I can't help but leave with love and grace. I lift up those that are walking a lonely road today. I pray that they would look over and see you, hands outstretched and unconditional love offered. In your name. Amen.