On The Outside

We spent a part of this last week at a homeschool event, which means we had to travel.  I don't know how many of you travel with small children, but I can say that travelling with my particular small children is always an adventure.

Our week started with working really hard to get some projects finished. 

Then our 8 year old German Shepherd had a stroke.  This is our 8 year old Sweetie's best friend.  He seems to be recovering okay, so far.

Then we hit the road.  The journey to our destination actually went by really fast.  We made our habitual stop an hour into our trip, stocked up on snacks, and went on our way.  We stopped again for lunch and some more books at Value Village.  And we made it to our hotel in record time.

Then the event was wonderful.  The kids were in a day camp, and got to do so many cool things.  And my friend and I got to shop for our supplies for next year, and just relax.  It was a much needed chance to recharge.

I love homeschooling.  Most days.  And I wouldn't want it any other way.  I love being there with my kids when they discover how to read.  Or follow a rabbit trail to a new passion.  It is an amazing thing to be able to teach my children how to love to learn rather than how to worry about tests.  At this age, we don't have to do tests.  

And I know that homeschooling doesn't work for every family.  Just like private schools don't fit all families, and neither to public schools.  I am only talking about what it working for my family right now, so please know I mean no offense.

We stayed another day so that we could have the chance to catch up with a few friends.  And enjoy big city shopping.  And then we started on our way home.

We stopped about halfway home to stay the night as a special treat.  For our dinner out, we chose a restaurant we hadn't been to before.  Talk about adventure.  Our waitress seemed to be having an awful night.  At least judging by our experience.  She got our drink order wrong.  Then we waited for what seemed like forever (it was actually only 45 minutes) and still didn't have our food.  When it came, it was wrong too.  And my salad was filled with gross, slimy brown lettuce.

And all I could do was try to smile.  Because my kids are learning at every opportunity.  Even the ones where I'd rather they not be watching.  You see, I wanted to give this establishment my entire opinion.  Of how, after a long day of travel, with 3 small children, 2 of whom have hidden disabilities, the last thing I needed was to have the hassle of trying to explain this to my kids.  Or to have to keep them contained in a restaurant for an extended period of time.  

You see, on the outside, I have 3 cute, healthy, energetic kids.  And on the inside, those kids have disabilities that aren't easily recognized.  Ones that make waiting and understanding things like this very difficult.  Ones that are draining.  Especially when they aren't expected.

And as I sat there, trying to paste a smile on my face to show my children that you can be nice, even in continuously trying circumstances, I wondered what I wasn't seeing on the outside for them too.  Maybe they had had a trying week too.  Maybe someone they loved was struggling with health.  Or maybe finances were a huge concern.  Maybe their kids were going through something particularly difficult.  I don't know, because on the outside, all of us adults were smiling.

I know that this was just one small blip on my radar, and that in a month I won't even remember our awful dinner experience.  But after homeschooling my kids and knowing how closely they are watching me, I do know that every day gives you new chances to make the choice to give grace, even when its hard.  I know that my kids watch my interaction with everyone from the lady ringing through our groceries, to the librarian (who is fabulous), to the man at the drive-thru at McDonalds.  And they are watching how I treat every single one of them.  

I understand that these little things may be nothing compared to what you are going through today.  Trust me, I have faced challenges so much harder than this.  I believe that we are given choices every day that will shape our tomorrow, and I feel that trying our best to be nice in both the big and the small can never hurt.  We have all been put on this planet by a loving Father, for a purpose we may not yet understand, but we have all been put here to help spread the love.

So today, I challenge you to offer a smile.  It doesn't cost any money at all, and only the slightest bit of time.  Give them grace.  Because even though they may be holding it together on the outside, you never really know what's going on inside.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for the grace that you show us, even in our darkest moments.  That you allow us to grow knowing that we are still loved, no matter what we mess up.  God, I ask that you open our hearts to those struggling around us, to just extend your love and grace to them, even when we don't want to.  Help us to remember all of the times that you have forgiven us when we are wronged by someone else.  And let us pass along your love to someone in need of it today.  In faith I pray.  Amen.

Church Like Math Class

Have you ever sat through a sermon that resonated deep down?  Maybe you've read a book like that.  Something that really spoke to your soul.  That cemented that God really does love you.  That he's still here.  Broken bits and all.  That there is an eternal hope for you.

I have had many "AHA" moments over the years in this relationship with Him.  Some have been me looking back and seeing why something had to happen.  Some looking forward, wondering how I got here.  Maybe realizing something about a relationship and what went wrong.  Or how to help someone.  

The reasons for the moments don't matter as much as us paying attention to them.  I think in the day to day it's pretty simple to get bogged down in the plethora of stuff in our lives.  The work, appointments, sports, bill paying, grocery shopping days of our lives.  The mundane. 

It makes it easy to overlook for the remarkable little things. 

Having a child ask a question that really makes you think, and helps you realize these tiny little humans are exceptional at making you slow down sometimes.

The flock of birds flying to their summer home.  How much work it is to relocate every 4-6 months.  The storms they go through in faith.  The things they must see on their journeys and what or if they ever think of those things.

The older gentleman who holds the door open for you because he feels being a gentleman is still important.  That manners matter.  And that you can still be an independent woman and appreciate small gestures of kindness and show gratitude for them.

We've really been struggling over the last decade lately with how to slow down.  How to let go of the rat race and take the time to appreciate our lives.  The little gifts we've been given, and the big.  

A little while ago in church, our pastor was talking about how to slow down.  How to let go.  And at the time, it all made so much sense.  Kind of like math class.  It always made sense when I was sitting there, listening to the teacher explain it.  Until I got home.  Then all of a sudden, it was this confusing jumble of numbers that I had no idea what to do with.

I've been told how to slow down.  I've read blog posts.  I've ordered the books (that I haven't slowed down to read.)  And I've noticed something.

If I vacuum my house every single day, it looks great.  But at the end of the day, there are still 5 people living in this house, so it doesn't stay nice for long.  So I can choose to value the illusion of clean, or I can choose to value the laughter of my kids and realize my house will one day be clean.  That day just isn't today.

I can choose to lavishly love my kids today and give them memories to look back on.  Or I can obsess about things that won't matter in the end.  Not like those memories and feelings of being cherished.  

I think we all chase this image of perfection, believing it really is attainable, if only we do a little bit more.  It isn't attainable.  Not on this side of heaven.  But what can we have then?  We can have love.  We can have laughter.  We can hold each other up when we need it.  We can love Him, and each other.  I think that's as close as we can get.  

And spotless floors and windows aren't how to do that.  Not to me anyways.  I'm not saying that you shouldn't pay your bills, or maintain your possessions or strive to better yourself.  I'm just saying that perhaps those were never meant to be at the top of the list.  

So maybe today, for a moment at least, that sermon doesn't have to fall to the wayside like those math problems.  Maybe I can pay attention long enough to have the formula last.  People first, at the top of the list.  Worry about the "stuff" later.  And worry about being perfect last, since it's not even a possibility.

May today be the day that you reach out to someone else, to slow down and value people
over possessions.  Show someone that you've been thinking of them and that they matter.  Especially that they matter.  

Heavenly Father, I thank you today for your perfection.  For showing us that we are loved without being perfect, and that we don't have to be, because you are.  That you don't expect perfection at all.  You expect growth.   You expect love.  And you give grace.  Thank you so much for your graciousness.  I pray that those who are confused or who are lonely would feel your love.  I pray that when we are seeking the unattainable instead of the love, that you would speak gently to our hearts and redirect those desires.  I pray that you would help us to value love above all else.  In faith I pray.  Amen.

When the Bad Things Happen

Our little town is hockey filled.  The season here just ended actually.   We have everything from the Timbit Teams, which are as young as 4 years old, to the senior hockey teams and puddle hockey teams.  We too have a team in our provincial hockey league, filled with young people so eager to begin their lives.

The kids on our teams contribute to the community, volunteering at events.  They fundraise for their trips.  As they get older, they mentor the younger kids.  And then they go on to adulthood, many of them continuing to contribute to the game and the community that gave them so much growing up.  They coach, they mentor, they volunteer and they put their kids into the same sport that helped to shape their lives.

Our entire country is reeling from the news of a catastrophic accident that happened earlier this month.  I don't know the exact details of how the vehicles managed to collide, and really, that's not the important part.  Lives have been permanently changed.  Or ended.

We can imagine all to easily how it would be for us if we were suffering through this.

There was a hockey team bus, filled mostly with teenagers, some who were graduating this June.  Some of them maybe a year older, maybe a year younger.  All of them teammates.  All of them family to each other. 

There were coaches, an announcer and a young woman there to assure their physical/muscular difficulties would be taken care of.  There were people who were new to the team, and others who had been there for their whole career.

And none of them will ever be the same again.  14 lives were lost of the 29 that were on the bus.  Countless family members and friends had their lives altered the exact moment those vehicles met.  An entire community has been rocked.  And our whole country grieves.

I can't even begin to imagine what they are going through right now.  But do you know what I have seen?  Love.  Tears.  People praying.  Our town, 2 entire provinces over, has a memorial to the victims, both the living and the deceased. 

The majority of us didn't even know there was a hockey team from Humboldt, much less know any of the team members.  That isn't the important part.  The important part is that our hearts are breaking right along with them, simply as human beings.  And when the bad things happen, you want to help.  Even if you can't. 

There are no words that can change what happened.  There is no possible way we can bring them back, or erase the pain that those left behind are facing.  But through our actions, we can show that we care.  That those lives, they matter.  And so we show with our actions, as small as they may seem to be.

We wore our jerseys on Thursday.  I have a little guy with a big heart, but who hates to dress up for things.  Unless there is candy involved anyways.  He didn't want to put his jersey on until I showed him the hundreds of pictures of people all over the world wearing theirs.  I explained that there was no way we could heal their hearts or bring back the loved ones, but if we could do one small thing to show them that they were loved, we needed to do it.  Those lives were important and we had to show them that we knew they were hurting, but those lives mattered.

We hug our loved ones a little bit tighter, grateful that we can.  We think of those around us, realizing how blessed we are to still have them with us.  And we show support to those that need it.  We become the helpers, just like Mr. Rogers used to say.   He is well known for a quote saying that when bad things happened when he was a little boy, his mother used to tell him to look for the helpers.  There are always helpers.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for sacrificing your one and only Son for us, so that we would know you.  I pray that all of those who are lost and hurting right now would feel your presence stronger than they have ever felt it before.  I ask that you would open our eyes to the ways we can help those around us, and to encourage our hearts to want to do those very things.  I pray that we would all begin to slow down and spend more time with people, not working for things.  And I pray that all of those affected by this would be drawn closer to you, even in the hardest moments.  In faith I pray.  Amen.

The Power You Have

As I sat in church this Easter Sunday, I was reading ahead of the specified verses for the sermon, and I discovered something new to me.

Women were the only ones to help Jesus between the crucifixion and the resurrection.  Now, this may not seem that important, because, really, how hard can it be to help someone who is no longer with us?  They had worked to gather the necessary supplies to finish the burial rituals, as this was often considered woman's work anyways.  It was the mundane that they were tasked to.  Except that in this case, it was actually supernatural. 

They worked together, as women often do.  And they surely talked about what they had just experienced.  And so I believe they just kind of put one foot in front of the other as they worked to understand what had just happened.

The men were confused about how the Saviour could have just died.  What did this mean?  Had they been wrong to follow him?  What of all of the miracles they had seen?  They knew in their hearts that He was who he said he was, so how did all of this make sense?

Jesus had told all of the disciples what was going to happen, but they still had to fight their own eyes.  They had to follow with their hearts more than anything else.

The women went to the tomb in the morning, ready to continue their work.  And found the biggest surprise so far in their lives.  It was empty.  How could that be?  What could have happened?  Had the tomb been raided?

And then a vision of angels appear, proclaiming His resurrection.  Jesus was resurrected, just as He had promised.

All of this happened in the presence of women rather than men, and I have to believe that it was that way for a reason.  That it wasn't a mistake that this was all given to the women.

I kind of got lost in my own thoughts after this, thinking about how that would have worked around 2,000 years ago.  Women weren't highly regarded.  They weren't really supposed to speak out of turn, or to bring attention to themselves.  And yet here they were, having to proclaim the news that the tomb was empty.  That they had seen angels.  And that they knew that His promise was indeed still true.

After the sermon ended, we had a baptism.  A woman who was new to our church decided to make the public commitment of a water baptism.  She had no family in our church, no best friend to welcome her through the doors.  And yet she decided to follow Jesus, and to do it in our church.

The pastor gave her a chance to share her testimony, and then he asked for some of the people to come up and pray for her.  He didn't name anyone specifically, he just asked for volunteers.

Do you know who went up to pray over her?  The women of our church.  They stepped forward in faith, much like this woman was doing, and prayed for this woman they didn't really know.  They didn't have to have to perfect words, or know her life story.  They had to say yes to God's calling and show her that she was loved.

In no way am I trying to say that women are better.  I don't believe that there is a "better" sex, as we were created different from each other for a reason.  And I think that this is one of the most beautiful parts of those differences.

We have many men in our church who are willing to pray for those who need it, or to lend a hand when someone needs help.  But by and large, it is still the women who step forward in situations like these.  I think that women were created with a special desire to follow our hearts more, and to allow us to be able to reach out to others in those times, even if its out of our comfort zone.

And I think maybe the greatest example of that was given to us in the account of those women who had to step out in faith, follow their hearts, and proclaim the resurrection of Christ.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for the gift of your Son.  I thank you that he came down to live among us, and to be your perfect example to us.  I thank you for the love that I don't have to do anything to deserve, as that price has already been paid.  I pray that you would empower me to follow my heart when I see those who need that love and grace.  I pray that I would have eyes that see people as you see them, with your perfect vision rather than my imperfect lenses.  I pray that those who are feeling lost or lonely would encounter you today.  That they would know that the sin in their lives has been taken care of and that they are worthy of you, by your awesome love along.  Thank you for all you have given to me.  In faith I pray.  Amen.