We Were Not Made to Walk This Road Alone!

Chapter 2 in Hoodwinked: 10 Myths of Motherhood has the very first myth that they debunk.  The myth that mothering is natural, easy and instinctive.  And some days it is.  Those other days, well...  The quote that starts this chapter says "Mother is a verb, not a noun."


We are always in action.  I was laying in bed the other morning, thinking that I finally know why I don't want to get out of bed in the morning.  As long as I lay in my little haven, I can pretend that I don't have a to-do list that uses an entire forest of paper.  That the laundry isn't piling up, because I can't see it.  I don't have to think about food, because the kitchen is at the other end of the house.  But the minute my feet hit the floor...  Then it starts.  My day begins.  And it doesn't stop until I get back into that little haven.  And I have many beautiful moments mixed in with the to-do's. 

But juggling as those balls isn't instinctive.  Knowing the right words to soothe your little one's ouchies while not burning dinner is a skill I did not learn in home ec class. 

In this chapter, Ruth talks about how she had her dream of motherhood all planned out.  Except reality seemed to be the exact opposite.  And how "we don't come out of the womb hardwired with wisdom and experience.  We come into the world as foreigners who have to figure things out as we grow up."

Life isn't always natural, easy or instinctive.  Motherhood is part of life.  Yep, lightbulb moment right there.  Why should I have to feel each and every day that I am failing at something that is supposed to come so easily?  It shouldn't come so easy.  Anything that is worth it requires time, practice, sacrifice and effort.  My kids are worth the world to me.  Common sense would then dictate that it would require a lot of time, practice, sacrifice and effort.  And lots of prayer!

Ladies, if you have fallen prey to the myth that to be a good mom, you should be perfect at it right out of the gate, please stop.  We are not perfect.  You already know that there are no perfect people.  So why do we beat ourselves up trying to attain a goal that is never going to be realistic?

If you'd like to read more of my posts on this book, you can search in my search bar, or do what I did, and just buy your own copy!  :)

Heavenly Father, I lift up all of those parents who are exhausted.  Who are bone weary of trying to do it all.  Let them come to you, and be restored.  Refresh their perspective on your expectations and fill their hearts to overflowing with your love Lord.  In your mighty name.  Amen.

If any of you have a prayer request or would like to share, please feel free to leave a comment, I would love to be one of God's soldiers for you!

A Call NOT to Judge

With so many things happening in our lives right now, with friends, with celebrities and with the world at large, there sure are a LOT of people who feel they have been called to judge and jury.

Now, once again, I am not saying I am perfect.  I am just as guilty as the person next to me, I'm sure.  But being just as guilty doesn't actually make it alright.  Doing what the person next to me is doing, and justifying my actions by believing that if the masses are doing it, it must be okay?  How did we get here? 

I have been a part of many conversations that made me feel like I was doing great in life, because at least I was/wasn't doing something that someone else was doing.  But I'm called to be me.  And to be a better me than I was yesterday.  I wasn't called to be better at my life than Sally is at hers.  I wasn't called to judge her and her abilities to be her.  She was called to be Sally.  I wasn't.  And just a note, I don't actually know "Sally".  That's why I chose that name.

With Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts galore, it is so easy to put our best selves forward.  But those certainly our full stories.  They don't always include our less than "pinterest perfect" moments.  Those moments we loose our cool.  Those moments we judge others as less than ourselves.  Those moments where we fail our friends because we are more concerned about beating Sally.  You know, those moments where we are merely human.  Less than perfect, work in progress, human.

And so I am writing this as a call for us to lift others up.  You know that marriage that you know is failing?  The one where you "think" you know all the details, but you can't.  That one with a lot of hurting people?  What about lifting them up in prayer?  What about offering to make a meal so that they can go to counselling?  What about pointing out all of the things that they have going for them as a couple?  What about reminding them of the good times that are so easily forgotten in the face of turmoil?  What if we could be there to hold them when they cry without taking those details to others?

For that challenging kid you know, what about speaking truth into their life?  What about taking a few minutes to show them you care?  Or that you understand?  What if you could share a part of your struggles with them that would make them feel less alone?  Or what if you could just show them unconditional love? 

That cashier/customer service person/other driver on the road?  Maybe they've just gone through something unimaginable.  Maybe they just need a kind word and a smile today.  Maybe you could be the person that can do that for them.  Or maybe the best you can do is just not be another nail in the coffin of their bad day and keep your mouth shut (a la Bambi's mom "if you can't say anything nice..."). 

Maybe some days seem like they are truly a gift from God.  Maybe everything is going perfectly for you now.  Maybe you forgot to count your blessings last night before you went to bed.  Or maybe you didn't.  The great days are part of what keeps us going on those not so great days.  Cherish them. 

We are all struggling in this world.    Every single one of us.  Not all on the same day.  On that day you aren't struggling, you have a unique ability to not be staring at others through hurt.  Do something with that.  And if you are that hurt person, never forget that no matter how bad it may seem now, there is someone, somewhere who is struggling to take their last breath.  Thinking about all of those could haves, should haves, and would haves that can no longer be changed.

So maybe, rather than worrying about Sally, maybe we should help her.  Or Joe.  Or Jane.  Or someone whose name you don't even know yet.  Maybe you'll be the one to change their entire world.  And maybe you won't even know it. 

All That Matters

I lost my mother-in-law to cancer last week. It was an awful, emotional, exhausting and eye opening experience. And it brought to my attention so many things.

I realized how many people one life can affect. How many lives can be changed just by one persons kindness. How one prayer warrior can make such a difference. How having a heart like Jesus can leave such a lasting impression. And all of these qualities belong to one woman who will leave a hole in our lives for years to come.

In four short, but oh so long, days, I witnessed countless people stop their lives to say goodbye to this woman. I think I saw more people traipse in and out of her hospice room than I even know. And that is such a testament to who she was.   And it makes you wonder what your legacy will be.

It also leaves us something to live up to.

 I saw my husbands family, and all our friends pull together. We had childcare provided for us so that we could devote our time to just BEING there. We had meals prepared by friends who just wanted to love on us. We contacted family that for their own personal reasons, had previously been cut off. And they dropped everything and rushed out.

We shared stories that some of us had never heard before. We learned that it really is possible to laugh until you pee. And imagined that there really is no better reason to wet yourself than whatever fun she was having to actually do that!

We made new memories. We had moments, good and bad, that will forever be etched on our hearts. We bridged gaps in our relationships. We held each other up when the strength just wasn't there.

We prayed together. Oh, did we pray together. We prayed for strength. We prayed for peace. We prayed for her suffering to end, and for Jesus to come and take her home. We prayed for each other. We prayed for our children. We prayed that those we love who don't know Jesus would feel His presence.

We realized that if whatever grudge you are holding can be forgiven at the last moment, then why not forgive earlier?  We realized that praying for people really does make a difference.  We realized that no matter how small a role you may have played in someone's life, the impact can last a lifetime.

And we learned that in the end, love is all that matters. 

Things I Know

This is not me saying that I have the answers to life.  Or any answers really.  This is just me coming to several realizations due to some conversations that I've had recently.  Some amazing, important realizations.  I have never actually said any of them out loud.  They may not even matter to anyone else, as they are really just to do with me.  But here they are anyways.

I know how people saw me as I grew up.  I was always that cute, happy little girl.  Her parents were a mixed race couple.  They were low income.  They also drank too much.

We didn't have any of the "cool" new toys, but instead always had to settle for hand me downs.  I got my first Barbie when I was 12.  I couldn't even fathom what I was supposed to do with it.  Side note:  I am SOOO not a girly girly.  I also grew up the only girl in a neighbourhood filled with boys, with a forest as my play fort.

Anyways.  

I didn't have a lot of friends because of all of the above things.  

My extended family was pretty diverse.  My Dad's sisters were pretty straight laced.  His brothers were a pretty mixed bunch.  My one uncle always had a beer in his hand and a grin on his face.  His other brother could fix anything.  He'd explain to you how he did it too, but after the first hour, you'd kind of tune him out.  And his youngest brother was gay.  

My Mom's family was insanely complicated.  Her birth mother had so many kids, we are still finding out about them.  So between her blood brothers and sisters, and her adopted ones, we covered all the bases.  Catholic, rich, gay, broke, rancher, city, straight laced, and addicted.  Yep, even transgender.  

There really wasn't much I didn't learn about while growing up.  

I've written on here before about my amazing, one of a kind family, but due to some recent coversations, I've come to realize a few important things.  

First, all those things I just said...thats how others looked at me.  And some of those people who knew me when I was little probably still do.  

But that doesn't mean that I looked at myself that way.  I had parents who made some less than stellar choices.  And so did a lot of the people they brought into our lives.  But they also loved us unconditionally.  So much so, that I never really had to question what other people thought of me.    Being loved unconditionally does something to a person - it gives them the confidence to find out who they are, and to make mistakes along the way.  I won't lie, it bothered me now and again, that I wasn't like everyone else.

Until I learned to own who I was.  Not who my parents were, or my uncles, or aunts, or friends.  I am me.  And I too make mistakes.  I am a "christian".  I say it that way because I absolutely do not think I am better than someone else because I sin differently than they do.  I am a hoarder of craft supplies.  I am a wife, mother, daughter sister and friend.  I have a  carbonated-caffiene addiction.  I am an introvert.  I am opinionated.  That's okay.  But the only decisions I have to own up to are my own.  

And all those people in my life, my family and friends growing up.  Those people that always had a beer in their hand, or told amazingly long stories.  I wouldn't trade a single one of them in for all the money in the world.  I have lost many of them, but still think of them with a smile on my face.  Those wonderful people who are such an integral part of who I am today.

I had another stigma attached to me as I got a little older.  I was that girl who had a gay brother.  You see, I'd grown up with such a diverse group of people that I knew that it isn't something that you could catch.  This isn't a group of door to door people trying to convert you to their way of thinking.  These were just people.  It isn't something you can catch.  And so, since my brother's sex life really isn't any of my business, he was just my brother.  And its just one part of who he is.  Imagine if your sex life was your identity... What if that was the only thing they saw when they looked at you?  

These aren't the only things people saw when they didn't bother to look at me instead of those around me.  But that isn't the moral of this story.   

I was talking to some people this week that are quite concerned that the ones they love are associating themselves with people who are not "like them".  People who have made decisions that are not "approved" of.  The very people that Jesus himself came for.  

And I realized something really important.  This diverse, challenging childhood I had - it was the best thing my parents could have done for me.  I'm not condoning the alcohol or anyone else's life choices.  That's not my place.  Those are their decisions, and that is all a part of what makes them who they are.  They are a result of the path that they have walked and the decisions they have made along the way.  And since I haven't walked their path, I don't get to have a say in any of the decisions they've made.  

I am not perfect.  Not on any given day can I say that I did everything right.  And as a believer of Jesus, I don't have to be perfect.  I believe that I am a work in progress from the time I am born to the time I die.  And as long as I am striving to be better than I was yesterday, thats all I need to do.  Wait, maybe not.  You see, I need to not compare myself to others.  I need to not look down on them, thinking that "at least I didn't to THAT", while giving myself a pat on the back.  I need to realize that I am not called to judge anyone.  I need to be available to the people in my life to LOVE them.  UNCONDITIONALLY.  I need to be willing to show love to those that cross my path, partly because I have no idea how they got where they are today, but partly because as someone who believes in heaven, I may be the only example of what the church is to them.  I have the opportunity to show them that I am a christian, an imperfect, broken, work in progress christian.  And that no matter what I did yesterday, God loves me.  Just like he loves that person in front of me.  EXACTLY THE SAME.