There Is Beauty in Your Story

I had the privilege of hearing the testimony of a friend recently.  She phoned me the night before she was coming to our ladies group, and told me she had never really told her story in front of a group before. She had actually only told parts of her story to people who needed to know that they were not alone.  Even her family doesn't know everything. I told her that we only needed to hear what she was comfortable with. And I explained that we have had other women share marriage advice, crafting passions, parenting tips, and baking recipes.

We are there to enjoy getting to know the, better in whatever way we can. And that we will love her no matter what she decides to share with us.

We should feel honoured when these women choose to trust us with the details of their life. These are the very things that have shaped them into who they are today. And not all of the shaping has been easy, or is something they really want to re-live.  There's bravery in their willingness to bare their souls to us. And we need to respect and realize that.

We are there to enjoy getting to know the, better in whatever way we can. And she needs to know that we will love her no matter what she decides to share with us.

Now, I won't go into details, as it is her story to tell, not mine.  But I will say that it was heartbreaking, beautiful, and inspiring all in less than 1 hour.  This woman told us how she has walked a long, difficult road, but she has felt His presence each and every step of the way.  And she knows that she has only made it through because of His strength, not hers.  She offered no explanation of why she had to walk this path, but was grateful that she always knew she was not alone, and that she was loved, no matter what.  There is no shame in her story, only faithfulness and perseverance.

Ladies, I want you to consider two things.

1) That you never know the story behind the woman in front of you in line at the grocery store, or the woman ringing in your groceries.  Her story is unique, and beautiful in its own way.  And no matter what it may seem like, she is doing her absolute best to get through each and every day.  She needs understanding and acceptance.

And 2) Your story matters. You are never alone in whatever you are going through. He is using you in ways you can't even imagine. And in sharing a part of your journey, you are an inspiring example of his love.

I see so much judgment every day.  And I'm just as guilty of doing it too.  But unless you've walked their path, right beside them each step of the way, then you can't offer ways to have done it better. Because it isn't your story. Just like they can't tell you what you should have done. But maybe we can help make the journey a little better by offering grace. Understanding.  Love.  And maybe one story at a time, we can make our world a little bit better. One step at a time.

If you have any prayer requests, I would be honoured to lift you up!

Blessing.

My Miscarriage Journey

So, most of you have probably noticed that it has been FOREVER since I last posted.  And I have some amazing reasons why.  The first reason is truly a blessing.  We found out that we were expecting our third child at the end of November. 




I was shocked.  I have mentioned before that I am a planner, and while we knew this was certainly a possibility, after 7 months of trying, I had kind of made peace with only having two children.  I had started cleaning out baby stuff.  I had even given away my maternity clothes.




God laughs at our plans, right?




So, I took December off to enjoy my couch and prepare as best as I was able to for Christmas.  Morning sickness is a term I am a little over familiar with.  And mine sticks around pretty much all waking hours.  I managed to lose 10 lbs before New Years.




And on January 3, we went for an ultrasound to get a birthday for our new addition. 




And this is where it all went horribly wrong.




You see, we went in expecting to see what every parent expects to see during that ultrasound.  A baby.  Only we never got to see our little miracle.  The ultrasound tech said that she couldn't find a baby.  She said it matter of factly, like it was ok.  But it wasn't.  I was sick.  I was tired all the time.  I was pregnant dammit.  Where was my baby?




She consulted with the radiologist, leaving us alone in the room.  She came back and did an internal ultrasound.  Then she left again.  And when she came back, she said that there was no baby.  There never was a baby.  These things happen.  You are free to go home and follow up with your family Dr. on Monday.




Pardon me?




We went home, shocked that this had happened.  We didn't know what to think, or how to feel.  We didn't know what comes next.  We just knew that our little miracle...wasn't.




I spent the evening telling our friends and family that we were no longer expecting, hugging my babies (thank God I already had two kids to go home to hug, I can't imagine going home with empty arms), and looking on Google to find out what had just happened.




It's called a blighted ovum, which basically means that when sperm met egg, a placenta, etc., was formed, but something went wrong with the chromosomes, so a baby never actually formed.  My body was still receiving signals from the placenta that I was pregnant, so it was trucking along just as misinformed as I was.  They think that this is actually the most common type of miscarriage.  They say as many as 1 in 4 pregnancies are miscarriages.  Most happen within the first 5 weeks of pregnancy, often before a pregnancy is even suspected.


This left us with 3 options.  I could wait until my body clued in, and I miscarried "naturally".   Since that can take anywhere up to 3 weeks or more, I really didn't want to let nature take its course and torture me in the process.  My hubby agreed, stating that I was going to be heartbroken no matter what, and waiting would just be torture and delay the healing process.




I could take some pills that would cause the "natural" process happen faster, but this would be painful, messy and just seemed like so much more than I could bear. 




Or, I could have a surgery where they would knock me out, remove everything from my uterus, and after 3-7 days, my body would be back to normal.  I think my heart is going to take a LOT longer.


The process was really quite simple, and was the right choice for me.  I do not judge anyone who has made a different decision, as it is a very personal decision.  Only you can decide which option will help you start the grieving process.  I went in to the hospital, they did one final round of blood work, then I waited for an OR to open up.  I was in the operating room for about 30 minutes, although awake for only about 5 of those.  Then I woke up in recovery, waited until I was stable and awake enough to get dressed, then I got to go home.


I went home, hugged my babies, ate a full dinner (for the first time in 6 weeks!), and cuddled with my hubby.  I was in no real physical pain at all. 


The specialist who did my surgery said that she always sends the tissue away just to be sure.  Since I have already had two healthy babies, she is quite certain that there is nothing wrong with either one of us and doesn't really expect any results from the tests.  But she sends it away because the more research they do, the more answers they will have so that maybe they can do something in the future.  It helps to think that maybe I can help someone else not have to go through this.


If you are reading this trying to figure out what is happening to you, know that you will get through it.  5 minutes at a time, one foot in front of the other.