One of the Lucky Ones

As I wrote in my last post, there have been a lot of goodbyes in my life recently.  And they've had me thinking.  I go back to a conversation I had with a friend of mine last year.  We can choose to be sad that we've lost someone close to us.  And we're allowed to be sad.

But we can choose to be glad too.  We can choose to thank God in the midst of grief.  We are lucky because God has chosen to give us some pretty important people in our lives.  And if you're like me, and you are still crying 8 years later, then you're even luckier.  Those people that pass through your life and go on their merry way?  They are a part of your journey.  But those ones that impact your heart for the rest of your life?  What a glorious gift. 

Missing those people, wishing you could hug them one last time, or tell them you love them because you can't help but feel that you didn't say it enough,is a gift.  If you still think of them years later, you also have memories of them.  Happy memories, or funny memories.  Poignant memories.  And a legacy.

You can tell those around you that you love them.  You can hug them.  You can create memories for you both to look back at and laugh.  Or cry. 

My kids asked me today if I could tell them about my Aunt.  They wanted to know if I knew her secrets, and if I could share them.  She was one heck of a women.  From an early age life kept knocking her down.  But she never let it stop her.  She always got back up.  She was a stabilizing force in our family, always putting the family before herself.  She had a wicked sense of humor.  She was loyal to a fault.  She could throw with amazing aim (just ask me about "what's green?" one day).  And she loved without measure.

She taught me that love is unconditional. 

That family is the most important thing you have ever been given. 

Life is to be lived. 

You are never too old to learn something new. 

Forgiveness is always an option.

There is always something to be thankful for.

I don't know her secrets.  I don't know how she always got back up when she was down, put a smile on her face and kept on trucking.

I do know that she left behind a legacy.  And each time I think of her, I can choose to show my kids just a sliver of who she was.  I can show my gratitude by paying the most important parts of her forward.  Maybe that's the secret...

Faith in the Valleys

It's been a busy few weeks in our house.

My son discovered that 20lbs of flour is really fun to spread around. On the floors...on clean clothes...in the dryer freshly emptied of those clean clothes. He also discovered that he has to take out many, many bags of garbage at 25 cents each to earn enough money to replace that flour!

He learned that rocks will fit in his nose, but that doesn't make it a good place to put them.

And last night, they discovered that we are all human. All of us.  We all have bad days, we all love someone, and we all get scared sometimes.

You see, their Grandma was diagnosed with cancer after finding a lump in her breast last year.  After much research and prayer, they really felt that God was placing it on their hearts to try a naturopath rather than surgery and radiation.  And for this last year, she has changed her eating habits, lost weight, and we thought, kept the cancer at bay.  With regular checkups, the naturopath said she was doing great.

And this is the part where I remind everyone reading this that it wasn't your decision.  You weren't the one to have those conversations with God. So keep your opinions to yourself as we are a hurting bunch here right now.

She was admitted to the hospital and it turns out, the naturopath was wrong.  Her chest cavity is now home to a much larger tumor. So large in fact that they are looking at making her comfortable for the time she has left on this earth.  And so last night, they prayed for their grandparents.  And they loved on their grandpa in the only way their little hearts could. They hugged him. They told him they loved him.  And they believed us when we told them the doctors were working to make grandma better. Because at 5 and 3.5, what else can you say?

This is the same woman that I credit with really introducing me to God.  She has been a prayer warrior for almost every person I know.  She never judges or makes you feel bad about your journey so far, no matter what has happened.  And she will willingly lay her heart on the line to help anyone.

And she has faith that can move mountains. I had actually bought a wooden word of "faith" written script style.  Except when I got it home, it was broke. Into four pieces.  I thought it was beyond repair, and was ready to throw it out.  Until God laid it on my heart to glue it back together. It didn't have to be perfect, it just had to hold.  And so I did. Then I made it into a sign for her and told her that even though her body may be broken, her faith was still strong. This was a couple weeks ago. Before we knew how broken her body really was.

I know I have rambled.  And I don't know who needed to hear this today, but the moral of this story is that even in the valley, God has not changed.  He hasn't abandoned us.  He hasn't given up on us.  And he hasn't altered in his desire for great things for us.   He is still faithful, walking right beside us.  He is the same whether we are struggling in the valley, or standing in awe of all he's done at the top of a mountain. And he loves us so much more than we can ever imagine.

I don't know where my mother in law's journey will end. I know we have a long fight ahead of us.    I know that if she wins this battle, my children will get the chance to make more memories with this amazing example of gods love and faithfulness .  And if this battle is not to be won, then she will be up on heaven reuniting with those who have gone before her, and having no more pain in her body anymore.  And I know that no matter what, she leaves this earth a better place for every day she has here with us.

John 14:1-4
14 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4 You know the way to the place where I am going.”