I'm So Tired

I have been noticing something lately.  I have control issues.

Okay, this may not be such an awe inspiring revelation.  I think most of us have control issues in one way or another.

If you're a Mom, you have to be in control of so many decisions.  So.  Many.  

And it feels like there are always questions to be answered.  

Why is the sky blue?  

How are babies born?  

Why aren't chocolate bars acceptable for breakfast?  That last one way have been me...

It feels like it just won't stop some days.  And I realize that the days are sometimes long, but the years are surprisingly short.

My youngest had her first sleepover at her grandparents the other night, and I felt like crying.  Where did the time go?  How did she get to be so big so fast?  Had I stopped looking or paying attention somehow?

I am with her every single day.  I homeschool, so I get to spend more time with my kids than most of the people I know.  

I was paying attention.  I am paying attention.

I have to find a way to always answer these questions.  Not the easily solved ones, but the parts of my life where I really struggle.  But who do I go to for my questions?

Well, if I were smart, I would put down my control issues and go to the one who has the answers.  All the time.  The one who never tires of us asking.

He desires a relationship with us, we just have to ask.  We have to ask those questions and then we have to do the truly hard part.  We have to wait for the answer, trusting that it is all for our good.

Ohmygoodness.  My heart stops just typing that.  

In order to have rest, soul repairing rest, I have to go to Him.  I have to hand it all over, and I have to trust that He loves me, even more than I love my littles. 

And that every decision he makes it in my best interest, just like I do every day for my babies.  (They will always be my babies in my heart).

He has built the entire universe.  He decided that I was needed here.  And He has plans so much greater than I can ever imagine.  

I was stressing about a situation today, because I don't have any control over how it plays out.  And my husband looked at me, told me to do my best, and to trust that the end is already written.  It doesn't matter if I get it perfect.  The plan has been made, and it will unfold in exactly the way it is meant to.

I don't know what your questions are today, but I know who has the answers.  I know it is so much easier said than done, believe me.  But in order to not drive ourselves stark raving mad, we have to start to let go of this make believe "superpower" we hope we have, and realize that the only control we truly have is to trust.  Trust in the one who has made us that He knows what is best.

Heavenly Father, thank you for always doing what is best for me, even when I get in your way.  Help  me to trust that you are always working, although I don't always see it.  Open my eyes to the opportunities that you put in my path, so that you don't have to work so hard to get through to me.  And help me to always come to you, the one who loves me more than I could ever fathom.  I pray this in faith.  Amen.

I Know How It Ends

My husband always laughs at me.  Whenever I get a new book, I read the end of it so that I know how it ends.

He can't believe that I would want to wreck a new story by finding out how it all turns out.  It would drive him nutty to know how it ends before he starts.

For me, I feel like I can handle whatever happens  at the beginning and middle, as long as I know how it all turns out. 

I still want all the details.  I love to know all of the little steps and decisions that got them to that outcome.  I just want the peace of knowing the outcome.

My chapters have brought me through many mountains and valleys, and I'd like to think that I have many more to experience.  

And some days, I really question how I'm going to get through this.  I don't know how that last little part of the chapter or story plays out, and it's hard.  It's hard to take the next step when you don't trust your feet.

I don't know who needs to hear this today, but I know how this ends.  I know who wins.  Good will prevail.  It may not be today, but at the very end, where it's important, good wins.  

And for those of us who believe in Him, who believe he took our sins, paid the ultimate price and rose again.  We know the end.  God wins. 

We know that all of these challenges and triumphs will pale in comparison to the prize we have waiting for us.

So friends, as we go about our days, I challenge you to remember that we know the end of the story.  We know that love wins.  And that is really all that you could ever ask for.

Squish the Mom Guilt

I've been spending a lot of time lately in self reflection, trying to figure out how to do it all.  Most of these inspired thoughts come between 1 and 4 AM, as I try to get my non-sleeping 3 year old back to bed.  You know, when you're completely rational and not at all stressed.

I wonder why out of my 3 kids, only 1 has slept through the night before the age of 4. 

I wonder why they all have to be so different that I feel like I have to learn how to parent all over again each time I deal with a different child.

I wonder how to fit in more work.  More housecleaning.  More decluttering.  More fitness.  More quality time.  All of those things that bombard us every day.  More.

And as I've been reflecting on my last 10 years as a wife, and 8 years as a mother, I think I may have tried it all.

And you know what's worked the best?  The one thing that has made my marriage better and my parenting more connected and relaxed?

It's something that is so very easy to push aside in the quest for the ever elusive "enough."

Taking care of me.

With the struggles of marriage, and parenting 3 incredibly diverse personalities, it seems counter-intuitive to think about me.

I realized the other night (early morning), that the times I've been a great spouse and parent all have one thing in common.  That I stop believing I have to sacrifice me to be better for them.

That when I was making the effort to get up early in the morning to exercise, I was benefitting everyone, not just myself.

I had more energy and time to get the grunt work of life done. 

I'm healthier and less like to fall sick to annoying little bugs that make their rounds.

I got to choose when I was waking up rather than always feeling annoyed to be woken up.

I had more day to day stuff done earlier, so I had more quality time to spend with my kids.  They in turn had their tanks filled, and were happier and more secure in general.

And my mental health and fitness level were both improving to the point that I was more comfortable in my own skin, which, as every wife can attest to, makes them feel more confident in pursuing their husbands.

I know I'm not the first one to point this out fellow parents, and I'm likely to fall to old habits at some times too. 

It is so easy to forget to take care of ourselves.  And it's so easy to overlook the benefits to everyone around us when we do take care of ourselves.

Please join me in remembering how happy we are, and in turn how we can pour into those around us, when we actually take the time to take time.

And I promise you, I know that getting up earlier in the morning is detestable to many of us.  That those extra minutes of sleep seem like the very thing you need the most.  And at some stages, you really do.  But maybe you can take a couple weeks to try out doing something for yourself.  Even something that seems really small, but important.

Gather Together

We have been blessed to have some friends of ours move back to town after almost a decade away.  Real friends.  It is such a huge gift in life to have real friends, isn't it?  The kind of friends who offer help and actually mean it.  Who truly care about you as a whole person.

These were actually friends of my husbands more so than mine.  They moved back to have a more stable, less frantic style of life for their family.  And it has worked.  

My husband grew up with his friend in the church, and then they both kind of wandered away.  Myself and his friends wife both had limited experience with the church growing up.  It never really fit.  I always felt a little bit less than all of the other people there, like I didn't quite fit in.

Then I met my soon to be husband, and it all changed.  We started going to bible studies, and did a marriage class at his family's church.  The church family began to adopt me.  And it fit.

Our friends never joined us at church, other than our wedding day.  And then they moved on to a totally different pace of life.

When they came back, she let me know that her youngest son was interested in going to church, and she had always told them that she would support them in whatever decision they made.  And that she was willing to go with them to church if they chose.  She was more of a spiritual person, believing as many do that doing no harm was really all that was needed.  A relationship with God wasn't really required.  

So they started to come to church with my and the kids.  I introduced her to study bibles, which I've always found much easier to understand.  We became the sounding board for her discoveries, which caused us to dig into the word more ourselves.  It caused us to discuss things that we hadn't before. 

She went from coming just to support her child, to encountering Jesus for the first time.

She was baptized recently, jumping in with both feet to this beautiful new relationship.  She has renewed my desire to dig into this relationship that all too easily falls to the wayside.  She has finally found where she fits.  And it has been so beautiful to watch.

Friends, I know that it is oh so easy to neglect spending time building our relationship with Jesus.  It feels like one of the balls that you can afford to drop.  That thinking is the result of living in a fallen world, where we are convinced that things will make is happy.  That the time spent working is time invested in acquiring all of the stuff that are supposed to fulfill us.

What would your life look like if you focussed on the people in our lives, and building relationships?  What if we purposefully gathered people together instead of gathering more items?  I think you would realize that the popular thinking isn't necessarily the right thinking.  That maybe an older, simpler lifestyle, if adopted, could be more fulfilling than you can imagine.  As the old saying states, people won't remember the colour of your couch at your passing, but they will remember the time you spent with them.  

I implore you to create a better, more caring world by refusing to participate in the hoarding of stuff.  To stop working yourself to the bone for the things that will never complete you in the way you hope they will. 

Let's spend our time gathering together to invest in memories.  We can enjoy simple, filling meals at the same time that we pour into each other. 

We can let go of the clutter that makes us feel like our houses are too messy to have guests.  We can spend less time shopping for stuff to fill our houses, and simplify.  Less time cleaning will also lead to more time spent gathering together.  And you can bless someone out of your overflow of possessions at the same time.  Isn't that a wonderful thought?

I truly believe that times like these are given to us to remind us that we have a truly loving Father who desires more for us than full closets.  He wants us to have full hearts, that can pour into others.  He wants us to have community.  He wants us to reach out to the broken, the people just like us, that need to experience the grace that we have already received.  

I don't know what your life looks like right now.  I don't know if you have an amazing group of people to share life with, or if you are desperately praying for just one person to do life with.  I do know that all of us would benefit from more time spent with our Heavenly Father.  And that having people to share our burdens and joys with are what we were designed for.  

Heavenly Father, I pray that you would open our eyes to the things we can let go of.  That you would give us opportunities to unclutter both our houses and our minds.  I pray that we would find meaningful relationships to build in to, and that we would maintain those relationships that we already have.  I pray that we would learn to give grace as freely as you do, and that you would fill our hearts to overflowing, so that we could share with others.  In faith I pray.  Amen.

In the Palm of His Hand

After last year, I was pretty shaken.  Weather events had been striking our little area for a few months, and they just weren't getting better.  It started off with winter heading straight in to summer, seeming to forget about spring altogether.

We had roads washing out.  We had creeks overflowing.  A city close to us lost their beloved fire chief to the rushing water.

Then the fires.  Oh be still my heart, the fires.  We didn't have any rain to accumulate, and so the forest floors were beyond dry.  And in came the thunder and lightning.  I have always loved a good thunderstorm.  When I was little, I would go outside and watch the storm build.  Then the lightning could no longer be held in and was unleashed over the lake.  And I'd sit there, counting the seconds until I heard the thunder. 

It kind of felt like the clouds just needed to let everything out so that they could start new.

I LOVED thunderstorms.  For 5 years in a row, when I was 12-17 years old, there was a thunderstorm on my birthday.  They had never caused any devastation in my area, so I had no reason to fear them.

Then the roads washed out.  And the fires struck and grew to unimaginable proportions.

This year is shaping up to be much the same so far.  We went straight from winter (it was still snowing a few weeks ago), straight into summer dryness and temperatures.  We haven't had a good rain since last October.

Roads are washing out.  Creeks and rivers are overflowing.  Peoples lives are being impacted in huge ways.  

And today, they are predicting storms.  I won't lie.  My heart and my head are expecting the worst.  My stress level is rising, imagining a repeat of last year.  My soul hurts to remember the devastation that began 10 short months ago.  I am already trying to prepare for the worst, even though it hasn't happened yet.

And I can feel God whispering, oh so quietly, in my ear, that He has me.  I am safe in the palm of his hand.  That I can see the beauty in the destruction.  I can choose to remember how our entire province, and a neighbouring province pulled together to help us through.  How people who had been affected by the fires in Fort McMurray 2 years ago remembered the pain they went through, and knew what we would need to get through.  How I made friends with some of these men when they answered our prayers.  And how He held all of us in the palm of His hand, both times disaster struck.

I can choose to think that these disasters did devastate, but they built at the same time.  They built our community relationships, they broke down walls.  They forced us to get to know people that we never would have otherwise.  And not just to get to know them, and the others who helped, but to remember what was truly important.  People.  Relationships.  Building memories.  

When I packed up my house last year, preparing to possibly say goodbye to my possessions, I was reminded that the people I share my house with are so much more important than the things I have packed in to it.  That the memory books we've created mean more to all of us, as I wasn't the only one storing away those precious moments.  

I don't know where you are today or what you are struggling with.  I don't know if you are preparing to possibly have your life turned upside down, or things are already all muddled up and confusing.  Maybe you have just climbed out of a pit and don't know which way to head next.  I don't know.  But what I do know is that every struggle has a blessing.  It may be hard to see at the time, but I promise you that it is there.  He is holding you in the palm of his Hand, with plans for your future that you can't even begin to fathom.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for all you have brought in to my life.  I thank you for the family and friends you have given me, and I know that those people are exactly the ones I need right now.  I thank you that I have the chance to prepare for the worst, because not everyone is given that time.  I do not want to take for granted anything that I have been given.  I lift up those who are struggling right now, that you would send them the help that they need.  That they would know that you are there, patiently waiting to show them unshakable love and peace.  In faith I pray.  Amen.

On The Outside

We spent a part of this last week at a homeschool event, which means we had to travel.  I don't know how many of you travel with small children, but I can say that travelling with my particular small children is always an adventure.

Our week started with working really hard to get some projects finished. 

Then our 8 year old German Shepherd had a stroke.  This is our 8 year old Sweetie's best friend.  He seems to be recovering okay, so far.

Then we hit the road.  The journey to our destination actually went by really fast.  We made our habitual stop an hour into our trip, stocked up on snacks, and went on our way.  We stopped again for lunch and some more books at Value Village.  And we made it to our hotel in record time.

Then the event was wonderful.  The kids were in a day camp, and got to do so many cool things.  And my friend and I got to shop for our supplies for next year, and just relax.  It was a much needed chance to recharge.

I love homeschooling.  Most days.  And I wouldn't want it any other way.  I love being there with my kids when they discover how to read.  Or follow a rabbit trail to a new passion.  It is an amazing thing to be able to teach my children how to love to learn rather than how to worry about tests.  At this age, we don't have to do tests.  

And I know that homeschooling doesn't work for every family.  Just like private schools don't fit all families, and neither to public schools.  I am only talking about what it working for my family right now, so please know I mean no offense.

We stayed another day so that we could have the chance to catch up with a few friends.  And enjoy big city shopping.  And then we started on our way home.

We stopped about halfway home to stay the night as a special treat.  For our dinner out, we chose a restaurant we hadn't been to before.  Talk about adventure.  Our waitress seemed to be having an awful night.  At least judging by our experience.  She got our drink order wrong.  Then we waited for what seemed like forever (it was actually only 45 minutes) and still didn't have our food.  When it came, it was wrong too.  And my salad was filled with gross, slimy brown lettuce.

And all I could do was try to smile.  Because my kids are learning at every opportunity.  Even the ones where I'd rather they not be watching.  You see, I wanted to give this establishment my entire opinion.  Of how, after a long day of travel, with 3 small children, 2 of whom have hidden disabilities, the last thing I needed was to have the hassle of trying to explain this to my kids.  Or to have to keep them contained in a restaurant for an extended period of time.  

You see, on the outside, I have 3 cute, healthy, energetic kids.  And on the inside, those kids have disabilities that aren't easily recognized.  Ones that make waiting and understanding things like this very difficult.  Ones that are draining.  Especially when they aren't expected.

And as I sat there, trying to paste a smile on my face to show my children that you can be nice, even in continuously trying circumstances, I wondered what I wasn't seeing on the outside for them too.  Maybe they had had a trying week too.  Maybe someone they loved was struggling with health.  Or maybe finances were a huge concern.  Maybe their kids were going through something particularly difficult.  I don't know, because on the outside, all of us adults were smiling.

I know that this was just one small blip on my radar, and that in a month I won't even remember our awful dinner experience.  But after homeschooling my kids and knowing how closely they are watching me, I do know that every day gives you new chances to make the choice to give grace, even when its hard.  I know that my kids watch my interaction with everyone from the lady ringing through our groceries, to the librarian (who is fabulous), to the man at the drive-thru at McDonalds.  And they are watching how I treat every single one of them.  

I understand that these little things may be nothing compared to what you are going through today.  Trust me, I have faced challenges so much harder than this.  I believe that we are given choices every day that will shape our tomorrow, and I feel that trying our best to be nice in both the big and the small can never hurt.  We have all been put on this planet by a loving Father, for a purpose we may not yet understand, but we have all been put here to help spread the love.

So today, I challenge you to offer a smile.  It doesn't cost any money at all, and only the slightest bit of time.  Give them grace.  Because even though they may be holding it together on the outside, you never really know what's going on inside.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for the grace that you show us, even in our darkest moments.  That you allow us to grow knowing that we are still loved, no matter what we mess up.  God, I ask that you open our hearts to those struggling around us, to just extend your love and grace to them, even when we don't want to.  Help us to remember all of the times that you have forgiven us when we are wronged by someone else.  And let us pass along your love to someone in need of it today.  In faith I pray.  Amen.

Church Like Math Class

Have you ever sat through a sermon that resonated deep down?  Maybe you've read a book like that.  Something that really spoke to your soul.  That cemented that God really does love you.  That he's still here.  Broken bits and all.  That there is an eternal hope for you.

I have had many "AHA" moments over the years in this relationship with Him.  Some have been me looking back and seeing why something had to happen.  Some looking forward, wondering how I got here.  Maybe realizing something about a relationship and what went wrong.  Or how to help someone.  

The reasons for the moments don't matter as much as us paying attention to them.  I think in the day to day it's pretty simple to get bogged down in the plethora of stuff in our lives.  The work, appointments, sports, bill paying, grocery shopping days of our lives.  The mundane. 

It makes it easy to overlook for the remarkable little things. 

Having a child ask a question that really makes you think, and helps you realize these tiny little humans are exceptional at making you slow down sometimes.

The flock of birds flying to their summer home.  How much work it is to relocate every 4-6 months.  The storms they go through in faith.  The things they must see on their journeys and what or if they ever think of those things.

The older gentleman who holds the door open for you because he feels being a gentleman is still important.  That manners matter.  And that you can still be an independent woman and appreciate small gestures of kindness and show gratitude for them.

We've really been struggling over the last decade lately with how to slow down.  How to let go of the rat race and take the time to appreciate our lives.  The little gifts we've been given, and the big.  

A little while ago in church, our pastor was talking about how to slow down.  How to let go.  And at the time, it all made so much sense.  Kind of like math class.  It always made sense when I was sitting there, listening to the teacher explain it.  Until I got home.  Then all of a sudden, it was this confusing jumble of numbers that I had no idea what to do with.

I've been told how to slow down.  I've read blog posts.  I've ordered the books (that I haven't slowed down to read.)  And I've noticed something.

If I vacuum my house every single day, it looks great.  But at the end of the day, there are still 5 people living in this house, so it doesn't stay nice for long.  So I can choose to value the illusion of clean, or I can choose to value the laughter of my kids and realize my house will one day be clean.  That day just isn't today.

I can choose to lavishly love my kids today and give them memories to look back on.  Or I can obsess about things that won't matter in the end.  Not like those memories and feelings of being cherished.  

I think we all chase this image of perfection, believing it really is attainable, if only we do a little bit more.  It isn't attainable.  Not on this side of heaven.  But what can we have then?  We can have love.  We can have laughter.  We can hold each other up when we need it.  We can love Him, and each other.  I think that's as close as we can get.  

And spotless floors and windows aren't how to do that.  Not to me anyways.  I'm not saying that you shouldn't pay your bills, or maintain your possessions or strive to better yourself.  I'm just saying that perhaps those were never meant to be at the top of the list.  

So maybe today, for a moment at least, that sermon doesn't have to fall to the wayside like those math problems.  Maybe I can pay attention long enough to have the formula last.  People first, at the top of the list.  Worry about the "stuff" later.  And worry about being perfect last, since it's not even a possibility.

May today be the day that you reach out to someone else, to slow down and value people
over possessions.  Show someone that you've been thinking of them and that they matter.  Especially that they matter.  

Heavenly Father, I thank you today for your perfection.  For showing us that we are loved without being perfect, and that we don't have to be, because you are.  That you don't expect perfection at all.  You expect growth.   You expect love.  And you give grace.  Thank you so much for your graciousness.  I pray that those who are confused or who are lonely would feel your love.  I pray that when we are seeking the unattainable instead of the love, that you would speak gently to our hearts and redirect those desires.  I pray that you would help us to value love above all else.  In faith I pray.  Amen.

The Power You Have

As I sat in church this Easter Sunday, I was reading ahead of the specified verses for the sermon, and I discovered something new to me.

Women were the only ones to help Jesus between the crucifixion and the resurrection.  Now, this may not seem that important, because, really, how hard can it be to help someone who is no longer with us?  They had worked to gather the necessary supplies to finish the burial rituals, as this was often considered woman's work anyways.  It was the mundane that they were tasked to.  Except that in this case, it was actually supernatural. 

They worked together, as women often do.  And they surely talked about what they had just experienced.  And so I believe they just kind of put one foot in front of the other as they worked to understand what had just happened.

The men were confused about how the Saviour could have just died.  What did this mean?  Had they been wrong to follow him?  What of all of the miracles they had seen?  They knew in their hearts that He was who he said he was, so how did all of this make sense?

Jesus had told all of the disciples what was going to happen, but they still had to fight their own eyes.  They had to follow with their hearts more than anything else.

The women went to the tomb in the morning, ready to continue their work.  And found the biggest surprise so far in their lives.  It was empty.  How could that be?  What could have happened?  Had the tomb been raided?

And then a vision of angels appear, proclaiming His resurrection.  Jesus was resurrected, just as He had promised.

All of this happened in the presence of women rather than men, and I have to believe that it was that way for a reason.  That it wasn't a mistake that this was all given to the women.

I kind of got lost in my own thoughts after this, thinking about how that would have worked around 2,000 years ago.  Women weren't highly regarded.  They weren't really supposed to speak out of turn, or to bring attention to themselves.  And yet here they were, having to proclaim the news that the tomb was empty.  That they had seen angels.  And that they knew that His promise was indeed still true.

After the sermon ended, we had a baptism.  A woman who was new to our church decided to make the public commitment of a water baptism.  She had no family in our church, no best friend to welcome her through the doors.  And yet she decided to follow Jesus, and to do it in our church.

The pastor gave her a chance to share her testimony, and then he asked for some of the people to come up and pray for her.  He didn't name anyone specifically, he just asked for volunteers.

Do you know who went up to pray over her?  The women of our church.  They stepped forward in faith, much like this woman was doing, and prayed for this woman they didn't really know.  They didn't have to have to perfect words, or know her life story.  They had to say yes to God's calling and show her that she was loved.

In no way am I trying to say that women are better.  I don't believe that there is a "better" sex, as we were created different from each other for a reason.  And I think that this is one of the most beautiful parts of those differences.

We have many men in our church who are willing to pray for those who need it, or to lend a hand when someone needs help.  But by and large, it is still the women who step forward in situations like these.  I think that women were created with a special desire to follow our hearts more, and to allow us to be able to reach out to others in those times, even if its out of our comfort zone.

And I think maybe the greatest example of that was given to us in the account of those women who had to step out in faith, follow their hearts, and proclaim the resurrection of Christ.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for the gift of your Son.  I thank you that he came down to live among us, and to be your perfect example to us.  I thank you for the love that I don't have to do anything to deserve, as that price has already been paid.  I pray that you would empower me to follow my heart when I see those who need that love and grace.  I pray that I would have eyes that see people as you see them, with your perfect vision rather than my imperfect lenses.  I pray that those who are feeling lost or lonely would encounter you today.  That they would know that the sin in their lives has been taken care of and that they are worthy of you, by your awesome love along.  Thank you for all you have given to me.  In faith I pray.  Amen.

Just a Smile

My Facebook feed was filled with the news this morning.  No, it wasn't a national disaster, or a school shooting or anything like what we've been seeing lately. 

It was the news that our community had lost one of our "less fortunate."  

He was a simple man, with no earthly possessions.  He had no home, no bed, no vehicle.  Just his clothes, a guitar and a smile. 

And yet the news of his passing had blown up my whole feed. 

It all started when the fires forced our evacuation last summer.  This gentleman was bussed to a nearby city, and then he seemed to vanish.  Some people would say they had seen him and talked to him.  But then, even after we all made it home, he never did.  There were search committees organized to go as far as 5 hours away from us.  It was spread on the news.  And we never stopped searching. 

He was finally found, but not in the way we had hoped.

How is it possible that this one man had such an effect on our communities? 

He didn't donate thousands of dollars to those in need.  He was one of those we considered in need.  

I believe it's because, in a way,  he gave us everything he had.  He gave his time to those who wanted a friendly ear.  He had a smile for everyone who passed by.  He gave it all.

Chances are really great that whoever is reading this has no idea who I'm talking about.  But maybe you know something just like this man.  Someone who doesn't have much, and yet continues to share themselves, because that is what they can do.

And maybe we can pay tribute to them by learning from their actions.  We can give of ourselves, even if it's just to smile as everyone who passes by.  Maybe that's all they need today, is to see a friendly face.

I think sometimes we get consumed with the thought that we can't help because we don't have enough.  We are short on funds.  Or we are short on time.  Or maybe we just don't know where to begin.

Maybe, just like this beautiful soul learned, all it takes is just a smile.

I don't know what challenges you are facing today.  I do know to some of you, those challenges are going to seem insurmountable.  I know that this gentleman certainly didn't have it easy, but I do know that he managed to spread joy to those around him in the simplest of ways.  So I challenge you this week to find someone who needs nothing more than your smile, and give it to them.  It can't hurt to try.

Heavenly Father, I thank you today that I was blessed enough to have met this man, and many others like him.  I pray that he is with you now, and that he knows the incredible impact he had.  And I pray that we would be inspired to remember that your love is ever present, and that it doesn't need to be complicated or time consuming for us to show it to others.  Show us those around us that need just a smile, or maybe for someone to lend them an ear.  Open our eyes to those people, and enable us to remember that we are able to be the answer to their prayer, if only we would say yes.  In faith I pray.  Amen.

Harmony

Picture yourself sitting by a lake on a cool September morning.  You are sitting in a circle with a group of women, some of whom you know, others you haven't met yet.  There are about 20 ladies of varying ages, and each of us with different stories.

And then someone brings out a guitar and asks you all to sing workship songs.  Without the lyrics in front of you.  And your heart starts to beat faster and faster.

You DON'T sing in public.  And without the proper words on some type of screen?!?

Well, if you let go and just sing, it can actually be pretty cool.  I didn't grow up with a Christian background.  I grew up singing rock and country, not gospel.  I knew some of the words to sing, but not all of them.  And I've been told I have a less than perfect singing voice.

The thing is, no one asked me for perfect.  All I had to do was be willing.  Willing to worship, and join my voice with many others.  And my voice didn't stand out.  At least, no one complained.  ;)

I couldn't help but wonder as we were sitting there, being stretched out of our comfort zones, how often God only asks us for our willingness.  I'm sure you've heard that God equips the called rather than calling the equipped. 

And it's just that easy.  We put the desire for perfection there, not Him.  Society today has put this need for outward perfection on every Mom.  And most of us feel stuck trying to be everything.  Perfect wife, making sure we are always pouring our everything into our spouse.  The quintessential hockey Mom, joyfully lugging all of that equipment to the rink at all different hours of the day.  The best friend, always having the perfect thing to say, no matter the situation.  The parishioner that always has the time to help with every single event happening.  Taking the time out of our busy days to surf Pinterest and making perfect meals and crafts to adorn our houses according to the seasons.

While my bible certainly says to strive for my best, working cheerfully for my family and to contribute to the kingdom, never once does it tell me I have to be perfect.  It actually tells me I'm not perfect.  That was the job of Jesus.  He was sent to encourage us that times will be hard, we will be challenged, but that He is the only way to make our lives work.  To put Him first and let God work out the rest.

So why do we spend our days, weeks, months and years beating ourselves down for something that we can truly never attain?

My friends, could we all just agree to stop this here?  Can we start off our mornings asking God to prepare us for the day ahead?  And take it one day at a time, putting our best into everything we truly need to do, not all the stuff everyone else thinks we should do.  And play to our strengths.  Let your friends help you.  Let your friends share your burdens as you want to share theirs. That's exactly what they are there for. 

After we finished our worship this morning, I got to see a little into the hearts of these women.  And they are precious.  Each of us shared in feeling like we were being stretched to the limit, constantly pouring ourselves out for those around us, struggling to be enough of everything for everyone.  And we were all feeling like we were failing in one or more area, if not all of them at times.  And we had the privilege of sharing the knowledge that we are not alone in our struggles.  And it was such a weight off of our chests to realize that we all feel the same way, but we are all trying our best.  And that we could all feel that we have someone so powerful on our side that we can't help but be successful in the things that are truly important.  If our voices could somehow blend to create a beautiful harmony singing for him, how much more could we do if we continue to pour into Him and each other?

God gave us each individual strengths and weaknesses for a reason.  Because we are meant to do this life together, contributing and pouring into each others lives and complementing their weaknesses with our strengths.  Not looking at that "perfect" family and trying to be them.

My voice, while certainly imperfect, and unsure at times, was exactly what it needed to be this morning.  Pure.  Filled with awe that even while there are a plethora of days that I feel like I fall so short, He is enough.  He will fill in the important things.  I just have to be willing to trust.  To take that step, no matter how much I want to control it, of just letting go and letting Him figure it out.  The days that I've woken up and handed it all over to him work out so much better than the days where I run myself ragged trying to do it all myself.

Heavenly Father, I thank you today for all of the gifts you have given me, especially the ones that I take for granted.  I thank you that you have trusted me with these beautiful children, and that you are there to fill in any holes that I leave behind.  I am so blessed that you love me, even at my worst, and I pray that you would fill me with the grace you have shown me so that I may show it to those around me.  Help me to see the important steps I need to take through your eyes, not the eyes of the world.  And help me to see the people around me as you see them, imperfect but beautiful each in their own way.  I pray that we could all let go of the notion of perfect and concentrate instead on using our gifts to bring truth and love to those around us.  In faith I pray this.  Amen.

They Aren't Little Forever

My Sweetie is about to turn 7.  It feels like somehow I laid down for a nap and now she's more than halfway to being a teenager.  How does this happen?!?

I prayed for this little girl, and after our first round of fertility helpers, we finally got pregnant.  It was almost the pregnancy to end all pregnancies for me.  I was so sick.  I didn't know it was possible to be so sick all the time.  It was definitely not just in the mornings!

I was promised that she would be small because of my difficulties.  It turns out that doctors don't actually know everything.  She arrived into the world with a fight at a healthy 8 lbs 10 oz.  She was so small and alert.  I was so lost.  We learned how to nurse together.  She taught me patience and a love I could never even fathom before she made me a mother.

I watched her eyes widen as she said her first words "wiggle giggle".  And she has been talking strong ever since.  I got to witness her first steps.  And her determination to never let a tower stand.  She would come from the other end of the house to knock down a tower of blocks if she saw me building it.

I watched her fall in love with her little brother, confident that she knew how to do everything for him.  She doted on him like he was her very own baby doll.

It has been a privilege to watch her learn and grow over the last 7 years.

As I watched her play with her little sister tonight, huddled under the kitchen table and giggling, I couldn't help but wonder who she's going to become.

I already know she is loving, caring, loyal and has the memory of an elephant.  She remembers little details for years and years.  She doesn't have many friends, but those she does she is fiercely loyal to.  They are her friends for better or for worse, and she wouldn't have it any other way.

She wants to be a police officer when she grows up because she wants to make a difference in other peoples' lives.  She isn't phased by people who are hurt or seeing blood (unless its her own, that's a whole different story!)

She loves to cook, clean and help anyone in any way she can.  She's not afraid to work to earn her money.  She excels at reading and math, and loves anything to do with science.

I don't know how all these things are going to add up as she grows.  I do know that she's going to grow up long before I'm ready for her to.  I'm not even ready for her to be 7!

Serving Souls or Eating Crow

Today is Day 1 of our "Zip It: The Keeping it Shut 40 Day Challenge" by Karen Ehman.  We have a Facebook group if you would like to join us.  There are almost 3,000 participants!

The very first day is about realizing the power of our words.  The words Karen used that stuck with my the most were, "words are powerful, and they have consequences."

This.  So much of this.

Like everyone else, I've had conversations that have stuck with me over the years, for better or worse.  I remember quite clearly an awful conversation I had in high school with a girl I didn't know very well at the time.  She was quiet, but always kind.  Something was said to me, and I reacted.  And I said some words that still make me cringe. 

I had the opportunity to see this girl, well, lady now, since this was over 15 years ago.  My daughter was having emergency surgery, and wouldn't you know it, one of her nurses was this very woman. 

While I had never forgotten how awful I had been, I had no idea if she still thought of me, or how awful those words were.  I got my answer to that when she came into the room.  One look at me, and I knew that she remembered that day as clearly as I did. 

Now I was sitting by my daughter's bedside with my husband, waiting for the surgeon, and also thinking about how I needed to make things right.

She was quite nice to us, making small talk to help distract us from worrying, and answering all of our questions about what we would be expecting as they got our daughter ready.  She was really professional, never letting on that her last experience with me was not very cordial.

My husband and I sat with our daughter, laughing about the things she was saying after they started the anaesthetic, finding her really funny and encouraging her silliness. 

I don't know if any of you have ever apologized for something that felt like an entire lifetime ago, but I can tell you that the words don't come easily. 

As I sat there waiting for our daughter to be brought back out, I sheepishly told my husband that I had said some unkind words to this woman back in high school and I needed to apologize.  I had been an insecure and foolish young girl with a wisecracking mouth and it was coming back to bite me in the rear.

After our sweet little girl was brought out, I asked the nurse if I could have a minute to just talk to her.  I think we were both so nervous at this point because it was so awkward.  I apologized for my words back then, and told her that she didn't deserve them.  I was so sorry that something I had said in the spur of the moment would have such long-lasting effect, especially when she had been nothing but kind to me.  She thanked me for actually apologizing as not very many people would do that so many years later.  She told me the things that had happened in her life after school, and then asked about me.  I wouldn't say we parted friends, but at least now when I see her, I can genuinely smile, and I hope she can too.

I learned two things that day with regards to my words. 

They can last in both the speaker's mind and the recipients, but you can always apologize.  It is never too late to make things right.

And that I would so much rather speak words that would build someone up, rather than tear them down and end up having to eat them later.  Crow has never tasted good.

Heavenly Father, I pray that you would help us to guard our words.  Let us run them through your grace and love before they come flying out of our lips.  When we are poised to react to a situation, soften our hearts and our minds so that we don't say something that we will regret in the years to come.  Thank you for all the beautiful souls that we have the chance to impact every day.  In your name.  Amen.

The Power of Less

It seems like every day we are bombarded with the message of more.  You need more money to be successful, you need more belongings to be happy, your kids need more and more activities and stuff in their lives to turn out normal.

What if we have been falling into this trap that tells us every time we turn around that what we are and the things we own are never going to be enough?

But maybe that's the wrong way to think about it.  Perhaps the best way to have more is actually to pursue less.

I've found this out kind of the hard way.  It's been a cold winter in Canada, and apparently the mice decided that my children always leaving the door open was a wonderful invitation for them to use our humble abode as theirs.

In less than 30 days we managed to trap/evict 26 of the darling little critters.

I actually woke up to the sound of scratching under my nightstand one morning.  I have this addiction to books, and I have an overflow basket under my nightstand.  I also had a home-made Magic bag in the bottom of this basket.  Which, just in case you are curious, is apparently both comfy and tasty to those rodents.  I heard the scratching after my husband had left for work, which meant that I had to figure out what to do myself.  I slid out the basket, and a furry little head popped up.  I yelped and slid it back under.  I weighed my options.  I could phone my husband... but that didn't seem very fair.  And to be perfectly honest, I had already called him several times to rescue me and thought maybe I should do this one myself.  Not wanting to waste time (since I feared this mouse making a different nest somewhere else) I quickly put on my housecoat, shut the other bedroom doors so my new little friend couldn't make a run for it, and grabbed the basket.  I made it into the living room when the little head popped up again.  So I did the mature thing and screamed, dropping my basket.  My 5 year old son was woken up by my stealthy eviction skills and came out to ask what on earth was going on.  I told him that nothing was going on, so go back to bed and shut the door.  I quickly glanced around and didn't see my little friend running around, so off we went again.  I got outside the door, took a few steps to make sure that it couldn't run back inside, shut the door and then dropped it all on the ground.   The poor little mouse took off along the bottom of our fence and ran.

Figuring all was okay, I started taking things out to see what needed to be thrown in the garbage and what needed to be cleaned.  Now, I'm in my bathrobe, at 7 in the morning and we live on a very busy street.  And as 2 more little fuzzier come flying out, now I'm in my bathrobe, at 7 in the morning, running around and screaming because a mouse touched me!  I phoned my husband after I had a shower (after being emotionally scarred and thoroughly disgusted that a mouse touched me), and relayed the story to him.  It turned out, he wasn't at work yet, he was at breakfast with his Dad and was telling his Dad the story as I told him.   The entire restaurant heard my story!

I told him I wanted him to go pick up more traps, as many as he could get because I was going to go all Home Alone on our house until I was sure I had gotten all of them!

Now, other than giving you a good laugh at my expense, what is the point of my story?

Well, having all those creatures in my house has taught me that if its not important enough to me that I want to sanitize it after having mice in my house, then why would I keep it?  I have gotten rid of over 20 garbage bags of STUFF from my house since that exhausting morning. 

My kids don't even notice that I cleaned out their toys and donated all their McDonalds toys.  They can actually find the toys they want to play with.  And rather than tell me that they're bored and have nothing to do, they can go play with their toys!  Now that there is room in the toys bins, they can also put them all away!

All those clothes that I was saving for who knows what occasion?  Gone.  I already want to get rid of more.

And it's bliss.  I now have much less to clean.  Which means I can spend my time doing other things.  I get MORE by having less.  More time with my kids.  More time cuddle with my Hubby.  I have actually had time to start reading again.  I'm teaching myself to crochet.

I am being more intentional with my purchases, since it seems such a waste to spend hard earned money on something if it's just going to create clutter.  And since I no longer waste my money on things I can either now find since my house is clean, or if I'm just buying it for the sake of something to do, I actually have more money.  And I don't feel that I have to go out and get the latest thing.  I'd rather spend that time making memories.

All because less stuff has actually made me happier.

Heavenly Father, I am so grateful for all you have given me.  You have blessed me with 3 healthy children, and I have one that you hold in your arms, who never had to struggle in this world.  I am sitting inside a warm house, with all the amenities that can all too often be taken for granted.  I have freedom.  I thank you for all the blessing I don't see, all the paths you blocked because they were what I wanted, but not what I needed.  I ask that you help us to see the beauty in the people around us, not the things we surround ourselves with.  In your name I pray.  Amen.