I have said before that I did not have the perfect childhood. In truth, my parents are amazingly loving people. And most people don't know how much they drink. Or that as a teenager I felt I spent more time watching over them than they did over me.
I am not proud of the fact that as that same teenager, I felt that they really didn't have much power over me or my actions, since there were few things I could do that would be as bad as what they did to themselves (and me and my brother) every time they went back to the liquor store. I spent a lot of time getting acquainted with the bottle myself. Almost a decade of my life were given to that.
My parents were not physically abusive. They were never verbally abusive towards me. They always showed us how much they loved us. They just drank. ALOT.
And since finding my husband, and having my own children, God has helped me look back with a different perspective. Yes, my parents have addiction issues. Yes, I made some really stupid decisions. But I have been made new.
And you know what? My parents were continuing the cycle that they were brought up in. Except theirs included abuse I'm sure I can't even imagine. And abandonment. And so many life changing events. So I can choose to look back in anger over all the things I had to endure. Or I can look back in appreciation for the amazing, loving people who were strong enough to break that cycle. I can appreciate that I had the privilege of receiving their unconditional love. And I can thank God that they turned out the way they did in spite of their circumstances.
And I can continue that legacy, the one of unconditional love, to my children. And I can give all of my bad decisions, all of my resentment, and all of my guilt over to God, who also loves me unconditionally. And he can use my lessons to teach someone else. And God willing, I can let him use me to show that love to someone who needs it as bad as I did back then.
Please, if you need prayer, I would be so honored to lift you up to God, just leave it for me in the comment section. I know what it is like to wonder where He is in all of this. But please rest in the fact that He is there, and if you let him, he will turn it around for you. He loves you, no matter your circumstances.